


A Lesson

by Ad_Absurdum



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 07:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8004253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ad_Absurdum/pseuds/Ad_Absurdum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is it possible that the great Sherlock Holmes has something to learn from doctor Watson? Shocking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Lesson

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** The following takes place during "The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton" or CHAS for short, as it been known to us, book-Holmes types (has my massive snobbery come across clearly enough yet? Good).  
>  This was written – according to the date on the file – 11 years ago, back when I was first dipping my toes into fanfic writing. I think I only posted it to Yahoo mailing list then. Ah, the good old days that never were... Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this little thing despite it being more of a longish joke than a proper story. Therefore, dear reader, don't expect any plot (or any sense, for that matter).  
>  **Disclaimer:** Characters not mine, no profit made.

"Watson, if you don't do it, you shall never accompany me on any other case ever again!"

Sherlock Holmes was glaring at his friend who sat in the opposite armchair with a decidedly unhappy expression on his face.

"I mean it," Holmes continued. "If you don't help me now, my disguise will not be believable, Milverton's maid will not be convinced and my efforts will most certainly be in vain."

"But Holmes, what you're asking for is... well, frankly, it's shocking. Not to mention illegal." Watson tried to talk some sense into his friend.

"Illegal indeed," Holmes muttered irritably. "There's no harm in it and no one shall get hurt. Hardly a crime."

"But you are aware of the law."

Holmes only scowled ill-humouredly. "I'm not asking you to like it and, believe me, I am not enamoured with the idea myself, but I have simply no one to turn to. Or would you prefer me to put the matter to Mrs Hudson. Shall I ask her?"

"Holmes!" Watson ejaculated, scandalised at the idea. "She's a decent lady, not some strumpet you could use according to your whims. Which reminds me: why don't you try some establishment of _that_ sort. Surely, you must know where they are. Your knowledge of London is quite unparalleled."

"Flattery won't help you, Watson," Holmes replied sternly. "Besides, I don't want to. You, as a doctor, should know exactly how unhygenic the act of kissing actually is and I know at least that you regularly visit your dentist and that you are not ill at present."

Watson cleared his throat, evidently embarrassed.

"Watson, please." Holmes was, in fact, rather desperate, as his uncharacteristic pleading indicated. "I fully acknowledge that your experience in these matters far outwieghts my own and I do wish to learn."

The good doctor was actually quite pleased hearing his friend's words - Sherlock Holmes never admitted to his own lack of knowledge and Watson felt his resistance weakening. However, he manfully (though it has to be said, rather futilely) made a last attempt at some sort of refusal:

"And how do you intend to use these... skills afterwards?"

"I need them for the case! You know that I am not particularly sociable and romance or other such nonsense holds no attraction to me. The fair sex will not fall prey to my newly acquired abilities, I can assure you."

The doctor sighed, "I still do not like this idea—"

Holmes made a small noise of impatience, but was forestalled by his friend's next words,

"—but all right, I agree."

The detective looked earnestly into the doctor's eyes. "Thank you, my dear fellow. Now, let us proceed. What should I do?"

"Well..." Watson thoughtfully fixed his gaze on his friend's lips. "Have you any experience? When was the last time you kissed somebody? A woman," he quickly added.

"I am unsure of the exact date.' Holmes tapped his chin, meditating upon the question. "Possibly, thirty-four years ago."

"Holmes, the conventional, family kisses on your grandma's cheek do not count."

"Oh." Holmes appeared to be a little embarrassed. "Then I have to say, I cannot recall such an occasion."

"Well, never mind, just show me how you do it." Watson appeared to be resigned to the necessity of actually kissing his friend. "Some people have a natural talent," he added, entertaining the hope that perhaps Holmes was one of those people and that the whole tutoring session wouldn't take too much time.

Holmes obeyed and pressed his lips to Watson's and it became rather obvious that he did not possess this particular natural talent.

"You can't kiss her like that!" Watson began the lecture as soon as Holmes stepped back. "This was merely a peck and you are supposed to act with a great deal more vim, being the girl's 'ardent suitor'."

"Yes, I am fully aware of that fact," Holmes retorted.

"If you want to learn something, do not start an argument. Now, don't clench your teeth, part your lips a little. That's right. And cock your head a bit to the left. Try again."

Holmes, stifling the urge to scowl at his friend while making some sort of derogatory comment on his choice of vocabulary, tried again. Following Watson's instructions, he noticed that angling of their heads did improve the situation as their noses were no longer in the way. At least, not entirely.

"That's better," Watson spoke again, looking into Holmes's face which wore a decidedly odd expression.

"Holmes, what is it?" the doctor prompted.

"Your moustache. It tickles."

"Good grief! I hope you're not going to say a thing like _that_ to that poor girl. Now, do try to pay attention. There's a couple of interesting things I could show you. Ready?"

Holmes nodded and they leant into each other again. Watson licked and gently bit Holmes's lip before deepening the kiss and exploring his friend's mouth quite thoroughly. The detective's keen mind was quick to absorb all the data and complex sensations the experience was providing and at this point said mind was still sufficiently focused to extrapolate, so Holmes began to lightly suck Watson's inquisitive tongue. This earned a muffled sound of approval from the doctor and when they finally parted, he smiled.

"You certainly make fast progress. Your turn now."

Holmes proceeded, with a fair amount of vim, to do what he was asked for, only to be immediately pushed away.

"You're supposed to kiss her, not choke her!" Watson gasped.

"I only did what you told me to." Holmes folded his arms and stared accusingly at his friend.

"Gently, do it gently." Watson felt like a teacher explaining astrophysics to a herd of particularly dense cows. He held no great hope for being understood.

Holmes's face took on a concentrated look. He came closer and the two men's lips met again.

This time Watson was positively surprised. He only pulled away to murmur "That's much better," and returned to kissing his friend.

He caressed Holmes's tongue with his own, quite expertly it must be added, and in the process elicited from him something very much like a soft moan.

When they finally parted, Holmes was breathless and nearly more moved than he had ever been in his life. Watson observed this state with some amusement and no small amount of pride, but as a perfect gentleman, he was not going to become all smug about his success.

"That was very good for your first time. I think you have grasped the idea, have you not? and that my tutoring is no longer needed," he merely said.

Holmes stared at him, for a moment unable to find his voice, but finally regained his composure and nodded.

"Yes, thank you. Indeed, this was a most instructive lesson." He surreptitiously licked his lips.

The doctor smiled and went back to reading his newspaper. He considered the matter finished until about a week later he heard his friend saying:

"Watson, I became engaged to Milverton's maid and I would value your advice and demonstration on how to proceed during one's wedding night."


End file.
